On Absolutes

Take me away to better days

sikret — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 13:17:39 +0000

(The damn Natasha Bedingfield song just won’t go away… it’s been playing on loop in my head for at least a week now.)

It’s another one of those days when I’m not sure anymore about where my life’s going and whether I really want this — this being everything I’ve been directing all my time and effort into. Every once in a while I suddenly start brooding about this but it’s been happening all too often lately. I have enough to deal with without having existential crises every few days.

Honestly though, if you ask me, it’s one of the saddest things in the world to be sitting in the middle of your friends and out of nowhere there’s this jolt telling you that you don’t really belong there.

I don’t know, is this maybe some call from my conscience or something that’s telling me that this really isn’t for me? In any case it’s too late for me to back out of this now. Maybe the stress is just getting to me. Either that or I’m internalizing my theo lessons more than what’s good for me.

#1

sikret — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 07:39:48 +0000

I believe in God. (The Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth…)

I’m not Catholic, but all things considered, had I been given a choice, I would have chosen to be so. Odd how that is, though. A few years ago I would have said the exact opposite. I do subscribe to Christian beliefs and morals. I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this but I guess I’ve answered the question?

On hindsight, I’ve already attempted to do this meme before but I never got past the first one. It wouldn’t be a topic of conversation I’d volunteer, but if someone brought it up I wouldn’t be averse to discussing it either.

Let me get what I want this time

sikret — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 07:02:25 +0000

Damn it, you can’t tell me to keep trying for what I want and then tell me a day later that I’m not going to be able to go through with it. What was it exactly you were trying to tell me again?

Something to keep me writing.

sikret — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 12:24:08 +0000

I’d usually reserve this kind of thing for tumblr but I want to see how long I can keep it up, and how much I’m going to censor given the fact that not a lot of people I know see this. (At least, I hope so.)

day 1 – do you believe in god?/what religion are you?
day 2 – do you believe in an afterlife? what do you believe happens when you die?
day 3 – are you proud to be from whatever country you are from?
day 4 – what is your view on gay marriage?
day 5 – do you think sex before marriage is okay?
day 6 – what are your views on love? do you think it’s real? do you think we only experience one love per lifetime? does everyone have a soul mate?
day 7 – do you want to get married and/or have kids?
day 8 – do you think any drugs should be legalized? do you think there should be an age for drinking?
day 9 – pro-life or prochoice?
day 10 – what do you think about straightxedge?
day 11 – what do you think about prostitution? should it be legal?
day 12 – what do you think about bisexuality?
day 13 – do you think there should be an age to get tattoos/piercings without the consent of a parent?
day 14 – do you believe in aliens?
day 15 – do you believe in regrets? do you have any terrible ones?
day 16 – what do you want to happen to your body when you die?
day 17 – have you experienced your ‘first true love’ yet? do you believe you ever will?
day 18 – what is your take on people who self harm (cutting, burning, scratching etc etc.)
day 19 – do you think high schools should give out free contraceptive?
day 20 – what do you think about plastic surgery?
day 21 – what do you think about the death penalty?
day 22 – do you say your country’s national anthem/pledge of allegiance when it is said/listened to?
day 23 – what do you think about thinspo?

Lazy daisy

sikret — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 13:34:17 +0000

I love how the weather’s so conducive to long periods of reading curled up in a chair. I detest rain, but it hasn’t been so bad the past few days.

In other news, today has brought me quite a few surprises and one in particular has cheered me up considerably, although I’m not sure what to make of it just yet. Everything’s got a price, after all. Bracing myself to pay up.

I know your eyes in the morning sun

sikret — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 15:13:48 +0000

[I found it interesting for some reason that the last entry I posted in 2009 is dated nearly exactly two years ago from today.]

However significant that date may have been a couple of years ago, I no longer remember what made it so. Neither do I remember why I started to write this entry, but today’s pretty special, I think.

I was reading a friend’s blog entry a few days ago. She was writing about how she got involved in her present relationship just a short while after her last one ended, and how she was wondering if that made her a whore. What does that make me then, I wonder? Although setting all technicalities aside I guess… I really don’t know, it’s all so messed up even in my head that I’ve given up trying to sort things out a long time ago.

In any case what matters is that I’m happy now and I’m exactly where I want to be, and I couldn’t have gotten here without a certain someone, and she’s the only one I have my eyes on.

Rolling in the deep

sikret — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 13:52:03 +0000

I’ve completely forgotten about this blog already, and a few days I tried logging back into it again. I could remember neither my username nor my password, so I had to request to have my password changed. Doing so also involved logging into an email account I stopped using a couple of years ago and trying to figure out what the password to that one was. What is complete forgetfulness?

In any case, reviving it shouldn’t hurt. This is the closest I’m ever going to get to having one of those embarrassing high school blogs that you wish you could delete from the face of the internet. That being said, at the very least I can read through most of the posts without cringing (which isn’t saying much considering I only had a couple of pages’ worth of posts), which is more than I can say for some people I know who used to have xanga accounts and such, haha.

I particularly liked this blog of mine, I like wordpress a lot more than any of the other blogging sites, with the exception of LJ. The best part about this, in my opinion, is that it’s old enough for people to have forgotten it’s ever existed; and that doesn’t really concern me much anyway since only a couple of people or so ever knew I even had a wordpress blog.

I am blathering… hello, blog, welcome me home.

I’m Mr. Brightside!

sikret — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 05:51:20 +0000

Today’s June 11. HAHA. K. Only I get what significance it has.

I downloaded McFly’s version of Mr. Brightside yesterday. I still like The Killers’ version better. HAHA. Maybe it’s because McFly’s version sounds a bit too teenybopper. Or maybe I’m just biased. Hahaha!

Tomorrow’s June 12. Independence Day. It’s also Mom’s birthday. The whole morning, she’s been going on about how she wants to have a surprise for her birthday. I found that weird. How can you ask for a surprise?… but, okay. Hahaha. I have no idea what to do. I’m not a big fan of surprises. I texted Daddy at work, and he hasn’t replied to me. I leave this all up to him. Hahahaha! I tried to get Mom to cancel my dentist appointment tomorrow. I don’t get why she doesn’t want to. Doesn’t she want to sleep in on her birthday? Apparently not.

I want to do something productive today.. like maybe write. HAHA. I bought a journal yesterday at National. Seeing Yana’s journal the other day made me think maybe I’d feel like writing more often if I had a nice notebook to write in, so I got an unlined notebook like I’ve always wanted. I dunno, there’s just something about the blank space that makes you want to fill it up. Besides, I like it better. More freedom, I guess? Hahaha. But as is typical of me, I haven’t even removed its plastic wrapping. It’s still there in my bag. Maybe I’ll think about taking it out of my bag the night before the first day of class. HAHA.

You’re my wonderwall!

sikret — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 09:50:32 +0000

I just got home from Katipunan with Mich and Marty. I went to buy “school supplies” from National. Actually… all I bought was a notebook and a G-Tec refill. We spent a few minutes in McDo, and went to Blueskies to play Rock Band. There weren’t any available slots left, though. So we walked to XBX Interactive instead. Hahaha. Sucks a lot. On the way to XBX, we were talking about how maybe we could have picked up the A(H1N1) virus from Blueskies since it was packed with Ateneans as usual. HAHA. Hopefully not. Buying school stuff made me look forward to school again. Yay!

Guys, take care of yourselves, okay? I’m really worried about my friends who study in Ateneo and La Salle [HAHAHAHA] but, really. Swine flu’s spreading really fast. I hope it gets eradicated soon.

Pull away from this embrace.

sikret — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 09:27:47 +0000

I haven’t updated all summer long. I neglected my blog again. Sorry, love. Haha.

Well, I’m back. Summer’s coming to an end. I only have six more days to go until college officially starts, unless Ateneo decides to extend our summer a few days more like CSB and DLSU did on account of the A(H1N1) virus. I’m really looking forward to it. I just got my sched yesterday. I guess it could be a lot worse, but anyway, I got all the subjects I wanted to [HAHAHA actually, I only get to choose two subjects: science and PE.] My TTh schedule kinda sucks, though, because right after Math class comes PE which is all the way at the covered courts. I guess I’ll figure out a way. Hahaha. Yana and I have all our classes together except for Math and PE. At least I’ll have someone to get lost with on the campus. Hahaha!

I have a new favorite band right now, Eyes Set To Kill (courtesy of Keatan). Haha. Screamo again. I keep thinking that someday in the future, I’m gonna look back at this and think, that was my screamo phase. HAHA.

Right now, I’m alone in my room as usual. Dani and Yana slept over last night, so we all obviously lack sleep (who sleeps during sleepovers, anyway?) and they just left a little while ago. I’m still full with the McDo we ordered. We ordered McDo twice, by the way. I don’t think I want to eat at McDo for a really long time. HAHAHA. We talked for a really, really long time.. I think we all had a lot of epiphanies last night. Haha.